Month: February 2014

State Theatre Shows

After listening to Harolyn Blackwell, I realized that Josh and I need to make a list of shows we’ve seen. So here it goes:

– Harolyn Blackwell
– Culpeper Has Talent
– Harlem Gospel Choir
– Driving Miss Daisy
– Nutcracker Ballet
– Crossroads Youth Orchestra
– Beliza Brasil
– Hot Club of San Fransisco
– Eli Cook: Tribute to Jimi Hendrix
– Groove Train
– Silvertone Swing Band
– Letters To Home
– Taking Chance
– Second City Comedy
– Freeway Revival
– Blue Ridge Chorale
– Orlando Jones Comedy
– Brian Elijah Smith and the Wildhearts
– Military Ballet Tribute

Can I Call You A Journal?

Felt depressed and worthless last night after being passed over in favor of kids doing crappy cover songs. Felt like a good dog passed over for a sloppy puppy. But realized that some people are in the music business just for money. You’d make more money selling cute puppies than good older dogs with a story; they make more money selling cute pathetic kids than powerful songwriters and artists.

Glad Josh and I were able to perform together. Met some cool people with whom I may collaborate in the near future. But overall determined to avoid shit shows like that at all costs. I want to be appreciated for my art, not criticized for my honesty.

Speaking of critics, my mother-in-law had the audacity to rant about how inappropriate The Reverend was in her opinion to my best friend. She thinks it was too personal for me to share my past. Meanwhile she shares everyone else’s pasts with whoever will listen. I just want to remind her that she is not an artist, is not an intellectual, and is not responsible for spreading everyone else’s business.

Speaking of business, STL is closing in May after this school year. I need to did a job. I don’t want too. I love St. Luke’s and feel a bit of denial regarding its closing.

MUSIC IS MY MOMMA

Momma isn’t momma just because of blood/ A momma is a momma when she gives you love

A momma is a momma when she holds your hand/ And makes sure you know that momma always understands

You know that momma loves you when she dries your eyes/ And a momma takes out anyone who makes you cry

A momma is a light in the darkest night/ A candle in the caverns of your deepest, darkest fright

My momma never really been a momma to me/ Hell, my momma isn’t even my family

The only momma that ever really momma-ed me/ Is the music that has always been kin to me

Yeah, my guts are made of music and my soul is made of sound/ The rhythm in my feet is just my bones rattlin’ around

Music is my momma and she’s always been/ My comfort, my love, my dearest friend

My power, my protector, my beloved kin

Music is my momma though we never shared blood/ Music is my momma cause it gave me love

Music is my momma cause it held my hand/ And music always showed me that it understands

Music was my momma when it dried my eyes/ And drowned out anybody who makes me cry

Yeah, music is a light in the darkest night/ A candle in the caverns of my deepest, darkest fright

Music never tried to manipulate me/ Music never told me that the world would hate me

Music never beat me/ Music never lied/ Music never told me I was Satan’s child

Yeah, my guts are made of music and my soul is made of sound/ The rhythm in my feet is just my bones rattlin’ around

Music is my momma and she’s always been/ My comfort, my love, my dearest friend

My power, my protector, my beloved kin

You can be my sisters; you can be my brothers/ If the momma you were born to wasn’t ever a mother

And if you gotta good momma, but your poppa ain’t there/ music is your poppa, when your poppa don’t care

Yeah, we’re brothers and we’re sisters if the truth rings true/ That music is your poppa and your momma too

Maslow Reflection

Okay. Lots and lots of stuff going on in my life right now that I will catch you up on in a later post. But this week, I’ve been studying motivation in psychology and found myself especially interested in comparing my own life to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (pictured). I’m going to work through each level from the bottom up and list how each of these needs is neglected or fulfilled in my life.

Physiological: Lungs are fine; I’m breathing. Joshua cooks and gets me drinks; food and water are satisfied. Joshua provides sex. Thanks to melatonin pills, I get sleep. My body relies upon medication, but it maintains homeostasis well. I urinate fine, but do have struggles excreting the other; thank goodness for veggie laxatives. All physiological needs are currently met.

Safety: I live in a safe environment and further protect my body with covering clothing, necessary medicines, and my husband’s protection. I am currently employed, but our school is shutting down at the end of this year. My future employment is up in the air. We have money saved and are making ends meet. I would like to have a little more room to help pay for school, but we’re making it. My in-laws are moral as is my husband; I feel secure in our morality. I have a supportive husband and best friend (my family). I have not been ill and have been actively treating my mental health issues. We do not have our own house, but we have lived in our home for three years and love it; we are secure here. Overall, I am satisfied in safety with the two major issues being future employment and a desire for increased resources.

Love/Belonging: My two best friends are my husband and Macky-J. I get to see Mack once or twice a week. I also have my husband’s family as friends and a few coworker with whom I may talk. I feel like I am generally accepted by my in-laws. I have no relation with my biological family, but am okay with the family I have built now. I especially feel that I belong with my husband who provides me with unconditional love, empathy, genuine relations, and sexual intimacy. I also feel loved by Mary, my doctor. Overall, my need of love/belonging is fulfilled by my husband, best friend, in-laws, and my doctor.

Esteem: I have varying self-esteem depending on the day, but overall, I like the way I look, my opinions, my talents, the life I live, etc. I have confidence in my abilities and in my personal strength. I feel that I am well on my way to great achievement and feel that although my life is different than others, it is much more fulfilling and diverse in experience than most peoples’ lives. I respect other people and forgive easily, but will not back down from my convictions. Most people respect me; some question my personal style of living and acting and thinking, but I feel generally respected for my intellect and strength of person. Overall, my need for esteem is fulfilled.

Self-actualization: I have staunch personal morals which include unconditional love, genuine-ness, and empathy as well as an emphasis upon personal development. I express creativity at work, in song, in art, and in daily life as an offbeat and spontaneous person. I can easily solve most problems presented to me probably due to resilience and abstract thinking. I do have prejudice against people who remind me of my biological family, but overall I am very loving and accepting of most people. I accept facts only after questioning and coming to understand them myself. I do not accept every ‘fact’ thrown my way. Overall, my need for self-actualization feels fulfilled.

Looking at my life in comparison to the hierarchy makes me feel better about my life and my self. In the case of particular areas in which I struggle, I feel I have done a good job easing the fault and solving the issues. As part of my personal morals, of course, I will continue in my quest for further personal progression.

 

Diamond Tough

Dark black coal/ life outta control/ put her under pressure/ give her no place to go

Deep under ground/ screams don’t make a sound/ the pressure keeps on pressing/ keeps on pressing her down

Dark black night/ shakin’ with fright/ He’s pressing down on her/ But she’s ready to fight

Pushed too far/ He’s crossing the line/ She ain’t gonna take it/ Cause she’s ready to shine

Come on, Sisters/ We’ve been pressured enough/ The world is vicious/ so we gotta get tough

Come on, Brothers/ Time to take a stand/ The world is full of boys/ But you can be a man

Dark black coal/ life outta control/ Put him under pressure/ give him no place to go

Deep under ground/ screams don’t make a sound/ the pressure keeps on pressing/ keeps on pressing him down

Dark black night/ shakin’ with fright/ They’re pressing down on him/ But he’s ready to fight

Pushed to far/ They’ve crossed the line/ He ain’t gonna take it/ Cause he’s ready to shine

Come on, Sisters/ We’ve been pressured enough/ The world is vicious/ so we gotta get tough

Come on, Brothers/ Time to take a stand/ The world is full of boys/ But you can be a man

Pressure/ and pressure/ and pressure/ and pressure

Pressured/ and pressured/ and pressured/ and pressured

PRESSURED/ AND PRESSURED/ AND PRESSURED/ AND PRESSURED

We ain’t gonna take it/ Cause we’re ready to shine

Come on, Sisters/ We’ve been pressured enough/ The world is vicious/ so we gotta get tough

Come on, Brothers/ Time to take a stand/ The world is full of boys/ But you can be a man

Dark black coal/ and dynamite/ a spark became a fire/ and she’s about to ignite

Breaking free/ crushing constraints/ sick and frickin’ tired/ of silenced complaints

Clarity is crystal when you’ve had enough/ This girl is sick of coal because she’s DIAMOND TOUGH!

Come on, Sisters/ We’ve been pressured enough/ The world is vicious/ time for DIAMOND TOUGH!

Come on, Brothers/ Time to take a stand/ The world is full of boys/ But you can be DIAMOND