Month: December 2013

Adjectives Effective Tomorrow

Daily Prompt: A Brand New You, Effective Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of a brand new year. Tomorrow you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you? You can choose to by anyone, alive today or someone gone long ago. If you decide to stay “you” share your rationale.

I really don’t want to be any other person except for myself. My rationale: I may be extremely similar to millions of people in this world, but I have one attribute to my credit. And that attribute is that I am the only me I am this world will ever see. I don’t want to be someone else who is more successful than me or more fabulous or beautiful or wild or entertaining or talented or rich. I just want to make myself a better version of me. I want to embody the strongest characteristics for which I have potential. I want to drive myself towards perfection. I want to be the most powerful, streamlined, perfected version of myself possible. I want to feature my strengths and burn my weaknesses. So, instead of choosing another person to embody, I want to make a list of adjectives describing the Powerful Me I am effective tomorrow:

  • Ambitious
  • Alert
  • Powerful
  • Confident
  • Durable
  • Beautiful
  • Dangerous
  • Genius
  • Artistic
  • Generous
  • Devoted
  • Fierce
  • Perfect

Getting Real

The last day of 2013. Amazed that another year passed so quickly. Thankful for this year.

Update on Pre-2014 goals:

  • Classroom, stage, and library cleared of Christmas clutter and ready for the new year. Thanks to husband for helping. Knocked it out in 1.5 hours.
  • Goals and Completion Plan written and saved to Google Docs. Planning on printing just the outline of goals for my study space.
  • Hospital Ball is tonight. Excited. I think I’m going with an LBD with open back and little beaded fringe. Maybe I’ll post a pic.
  • Entryway is getting knocked off of the list for now.
  • House very organized. Did a little more cleaning. Husband did floors. Bathroom WILL BE DONE in the next hour.

My brain is less focused on the trial, tribulation, and triumph of this past year and more focused on the new year. I have good feelings about 2014. The number itself just feels good in my chest. A new beginning. A fresh start. A chance to redefine me. Just another day, but it feels like more.

Two more books came in the mail for school. School financial information came in the mail as well. Background check is in progress. Hopefully I will complete my part by Thursday and have the form mailed. School seems so much more real now. I am nervous about how work and school will conflict. But excited to get started. The sooner I start, the sooner I’ll know with what I’m dealing. So far, very proud of my organizational skills and motivation.

Knocking through the Bible. In Titus. Sounds silly because Titus is literally two pages long, but I had to take a break. I may actually finish today. We’ll see. Now scheduled to finish by the third.

Scheduled to see Mary on Thursday at five. Big appointment because I have difficult information to share. I’ll pray on it.

Books for the Bum

Yesterday, went to husband’s cousin’s child’s first birthday party.

Pre-2014 update:

  • Going to the Hospital Ball. Hookup came through. Now trying to chose between two dresses and determine the appropriate shoes/accessories.
  • House is still organized. Minor cleaning completed yesterday as well as grocery shopping. Still need to deep clean, especially bathroom and dining room.
  • Entryway is now an option, but Joshua probably won’t have time until this weekend, maybe 4 January.
  • Goals and Completion Plan not started. MUST begin directly after this post.
  • Classroom not complete. Hoping to enlist the aid of Joshua tonight.

As far as my 2014 goals are concerned, I’ve been working hard to possibly complete the Bible before the new year. Currently, in Romans and 89% through the Bible. Scheduled now to finish by 6 January. We’ll see how much more of a dent I can make in these last eighty pages tonight.

Two of my LU books arrived from Amazon earlier than expected and in great condition. Satisfied and excited about exploring the Illustrated Bible Survey upon completion of the Bible. Changes I’ve noticed since Bible-reading began: increased self-value and sensitivity to vulgarity.

Feel a little bit like a bum, but coming out of this funk with the lift of that lovely monthly week by the end of today.

Pre-2014 Update

Finished reading the Old Testament yesterday. Through Matthew and on to Mark. Old Testament reading changes my perspective of Jesus. Hoping further reading into New Testament will explain some of my current and consequent confusion.

Finally ordered wedding photos for print. Exhausting and somewhat upsetting, seeing photos of full group of family and friends there for my wedding and knowing that only a handful are actually concerned and involved in my life. On the upside, seeing my lawful family makes me thankful. That perfect weather must have been a smile.

As far as my list of pre-2014 activities:

  • Hospital Ball is $125. Can only go if hook-ups pull through.
  • House is organized. Working on deep clean daily.
  • Discussed painting entryway with Joshua. He seems disinterested.
  • I need to at least start Goals and Completion Plan tonight.
  • Clean classroom and organize is on for next week. Brainstorming for planning in progress.

Lots of e-mails from Amazon concerning my book orders for school. I can’t wait to get the packages. Still need to order the few items from LU, but can’t bring myself to part with $400. Adding that to the pre-2014 list.

2013 Re-Cap, 2014 Planning

With four and a half days of 2013 left, I am considering this past year and the year to come.

Re-cap of 2013:

  • Into the Woods, Jr. – Okay production, extremely stressful, problems with parents, salt mistake
  • Work meltdown, conflict with Roger, three days off, thought I was going to quit
  • Anxiety attack, complete exhaustion, life meltdown
  • Fight with Jarrod
  • Intervention with Brad and Mary Fisher, start medications, off work for a while
  • Make it through the end of the school year, future up in the air, asked to come back to school
  • Quest’s wedding, 21st birthday, 1st anniversary, white water rafting, zip lines, obstacle courses, dancing, getting high, this weekend was my rebirth
  • NYC for a few days, auditioned for the Voice, didn’t get in, but fell in love with the city
  • Beach with my family for a week, decided I needed a dog
  • Beach with Josh’s family
  • Summer off to continue rebirth
  • Attended Mountain View, faith reignited, found out their view on women in the church, left
  • With help from Mary, decide to go back to teaching to overcome my fear, year has been great
  • Friendship with Mackenzie grew to peak, see each other a lot, rediscover good parts of my old self
  • Up and down with my family, don’t talk most of year, admit a part of the abuse with which I still haven’t come to terms
  • Elementary Christmas play and special chapels go well, handle stress and conflict with grace and strength
  • Get Mack in with Mary
  • Take some major pay cuts to get my sanity back
  • Decide to go back to college, accepted into Liberty University, pumped for school
  • Read the Old Testament
  • Fell in love with Joshua in a way I can’t explain

2013 was a year of change… no, a year of new beginnings for me.

Draft of Goals for 2014:

  • AA in Education from LU complete
  • Tell Mary about newly admitted abuse and make a plan for dealing with family – rules, goals, etc.
  • Complete STL school year without blemish, with high self-efficacy and a great resume
  • Earn money during school break without forfeiting the summer – I need it for continuing rebirth
  • Finish New Testament before Jan. 13
  • Establish a consistent health regimen
  • Write a brochure or essay or book about women in the church
  • Sort and organize garage and all belongings, purge of excess
  • Save money for Paris
  • Hicks family vacation to beach
  • Plan another perfect anniversary
  • Have Sami compete in dog show or agility contest
  • Finish re-finishing the rocking chair

I’ll keep thinking on this list of goals. Expect edits and re-drafts soon.

Things to do before 2014:

  • Clean house, deep clean
  • Paint entryway
  • Clean classroom, plan first couple of weeks of school
  • Write goals and completion plan for 2014
  • Go to Hospital Ball for New Years Eve?

Christmas Re-Cap

Christmas Eve gathering at Hicks’ home. Religious debate, carols, Luke 2 reading, amazing food, billiards, gifts. Stayed the night. Christmas morning watching Noah open gifts, more gifts, big breakfast. Afterwards, a movie, snacking, unfortunate phone call that resulted in wave of depression and tears, consolation from father-in-law, ended in television with husband, cuddling pup, and peppermint stick hot cocoa.

Today: Disney movies, cleaning, organizing, reading, aching, thinking, waiting, sorting, considering, debating, hanging out with Sami, Mimi, and Salis. Package came in the mail. Thought it was from Macky-J. Actually from her momma Kim. A picture of Mack and I on my wedding day framed with a note of thanks for taking care of Macky-J. Really made my whole day. Want to share it with Mary Fisher.

Disappointed that fertility corresponds with menstruation. Painful, unpleasant, yuck. Also, uncomfortable hormonal state.

Anticipating taking university classes, somehow disconnected from teaching my own classes. Cleaning, organizing, and planning to do at the school, but not sure when or how much time to devote to those tasks.

Debbie Downer

Christmas Eve. Incredibly depressed this morning. Opened up to husband about past hurt that I had not told anyone about. Husband went to pick up last minute Christmas gifts. I slept, watched Blue Planet on Animal Planet, read more of Ezekiel, and kept Samita from mauling my face.

Tonight: Dinner and visiting with husband’s family. Mother-in-law’s family specifically. Won’t be seeing my family this year. Difficult. Father-in-law says he understands; his mother, father, and sister are all dead. But I don’t think he fully understands. They are dead. They didn’t choose to hurt him and exile him.

Hope to finish Old Testament by tomorrow. Maybe plow through New Testament by beginning of year.